It had been sitting there for over 10 years, taking up room. Not just taking up physical space in my jewelery box, but space in my mind.
Letting go of things is difficult, even when one wants to let them go. I procrastinated for years. I let it sit there, clanking around with all the other things and memories.
I never even liked it that much. I remember that we had to go with a particular jewelery dealer because they were friends of his sisters or something like that. I knew I wanted a white gold wedding band, because I hate the look of yellow gold, but not much beyond that. I do remember that I’d seen a design one place, but we couldn’t have that one. I looked through books of designs, but none of them really spoke out to me. I settled on a design that looked like bamboo. I can’t even remember why, now.
It was almost a sign in a way — my wedding ring ate into my hand because of the way it was made — it had a concave hollow on the top, and it would constantly irritate my finger.
So there it sat. I’d thought about throwing it away, doing something with it. It wasn’t something I wanted. It reminded me of happy times, but also of failure on a grand scale.
I don’t know in particular what prompted me to go into the gold dealer, other than the bright pink flyer that they sent in the mail. There wasn’t anything really in particular, although the idea of some money was a good thing. I picked through that jewelery box and gathered up some things I never wore, and the ring.
And I left with a little pocket of money. I used most of it to buy a National Parks Annual Pass. I figure, that way it can help with my recovery.
It was a funny feeling. I shouldn’t have felt so giddy, but I did. It’s cliche to say that I felt lighter, but I really did. Time to move on.